Ruby and Tango

Ruby and Tango
Me 'n' Ruby and of course Tango

Monday, 31 January 2011

To thank you

Hi folks, just an addition to my last blog, and no, I'm not going to milk it, but I felt that I should say a big thank you to all who very kindly posted comments in an nonjudgmental and understanding manner.
I first started to write about it when I first started blogging in WP three or four years ago,, and called it IMSPESHL [I'm special] but I chickened out, I don't think I was ready,
I got put off by my second husband who had sexual problems and blamed me, saying it was what had happened in the past . I eventually dismissed that as I'd had a perfectly normal relationship resulting in two children with my first husband.
However with the change in to-day's views about unmarried mothers and children born 'out of wedlock' I thought I would have another go, it wasn't a matter of being courageous, but I have finally accepted that it wasn't my fault, and I must stop feeling embarrassed or guilty.
My adopted mother God rest her, was of the old school being almost 40 when she took me on, had a very different view, and was fond of telling me how lucky I was to be taken in by her and I should be grateful etc, that my mother was a whore and went with sailors, I couldn't understand this talk, but as I got older I thought, she was only sixteen for God's sake,  she came from a good and strict background, but she was very attractive, so I expect there was a little bit of jealousy there too. tut.
I was going through adolescent so I expect I was being awkward and she'd be going through 'the change' not a good combination.
I am so glad that attitudes have changed, as I'd not be happy with other children going through what I did, it leaves it's mark, it made me very defensive, and a bit short tempered, as you think that folk are trying to put you down. I have now learned to accept myself for what I am, a normal person with good and bad points.
And as was pointed out, makes you a bit more understanding of anyone else in the same position, I certainly hope, so if nothing else.
I shall put it to bed now and thanks each and every one of you again for listening, you've all been marvellous, I owe you.


  1. I absolutely LOVE you, Arlene. (And so does Sam, and most especially, our mom ~~ bet you figured that one out :D since our mom forgot she was using Lucy's name this morning.) I feel completely honored to know you and to call you my friend.

  2. There. Now I can say it, too.
    I absolutely LOVE you, Arlene :D

  3. It's never the child's fault and anyone who could ever say that has such a filthy mind. A lot of times, It seems to be a controlling thing. Dare I say my Grandparents raised me, thank God, God loving and God fearing people.

  4. Arlene you say at the end of your addition to your blog " I owe you "
    Arlene you don't owe anyone anything you are a normal women who as you said given birth to 2 children there is nothing more normal than that
    In a way you had a lucky escape even though your adopted mother was fond of rubbing your nose in it like it was your fault, who knows what would have happened if you had not been adopted .......Nothing was your fault you didn't ask for what happened to you, be proud that after all that happened to you, you are a normal well rounded person and i am proud to say that i know you

  5. Arlene, you are part of our blogging family. We all love you for who you are, and you are a very special person.


  6. I know what you mean, my parents did the guilt thing with me, and my brothers and sisters as well. That's what they did in the old days. You turned out very well, and so did I, but the guilt thing is still there in the back of our minds.

  7. Once again folks many thanks for you support and caring words, your kind words mean such a lot to me, and have helped a lot. I do feel better having brought it into the open, it is now tangible not a ghost, though as you say Horst it will always be there, but I feel I can handle it now. I know that Lucy understands, as she's an animal, a very special one of course as is Sam and Bess and Will-ee, they too are my friends, because animals always understand,I just hope my Mum/s found peace.


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